


Amoral

by JWMelmoth



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWMelmoth/pseuds/JWMelmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Kurt breaks up with Blaine, he has a chance meeting in the subway. Numb and heartbroken, he decides to throw caution to the winds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written April 2013 (mid s4) for a self-set dictionary challenge; writing a fic with the word "Amoral" in it. Set during s4, after 'The First Time' but before Kurt meets Adam.

It happened shortly after Christmas, when Kurt’s nights were laced with Ambien and his days blurred together into a patchwork of ‘how did I get here’s and 'when did I order this’?

Lying awake thinking about what he could have done differently with Blaine pushed him beyond the point of exhaustion, and eventhough he knew he really ought to get a grip soon (the second NYADA semester- his first- would start in a week and he had several months to catch up with and should really be doing everything in his power to get fit for the challenge), nothing he tried was working.As much as he tried to think ahead and get over Blaine, Kurt kept ending up watching their old movies and mouthing along his part of the lines into the unforgiving darkness of the night, waiting for the answers that didn’t come. He hardly ate. He sleep-shopped. Not even the city of New York, which had seemed full of promise only months ago, cheered him up. All Kurt could see were the places he had imagined to go with Blaine; little parts of their future that were lost now. They had no magic when he passed them by alone.

It was in such a hazy state that he made his way into the crowded subway, keeping his drooping eyes to the floor and trusting his subconscious to know where to get off. He had made the trip from the Vogue office back to Bushwick often enough without paying attention and had only ended up on the other side of the city once or twice. More and more people shuffled in, pushing ever forward into his personal space, but Kurt didn’t have the energy to care. He simply stepped back to make room, intending to blend into the wall behind him.

Only it wasn’t a wall. It was a person.

The man behind him was a little taller than him, and Kurt felt the huff of a breath on his cheekbone as the guy breathed out on the impact. He smelled like a nondescript aftershave and a hint of sweat- which (given the amount of people on the train and the way they were fogging up the glass) wasn’t that surprising. Kurt was about to apologize when the cart made a lurch to the side, turning a corner sharply in one of the tunnels, and he literally fell into the man’s arms. Kurt stepped on someone’s foot as he tried to balance out and would have fallen if it wasn’t for the gloved hand cinching around his waist, pulling him back against the stranger’s chest and holding him up until he had found his footing. Kurt allowed himself a few seconds of comfort, closing his eyes and imagining it was Blaine keeping him safe. It didn’t work. The man smelled wrong, and he was too tall anyway. It hurt more than it helped and Kurt made himself return to the present.

“Thank you. I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, I’m asleep on my feet, dead man walking, I’m afraid- _hey_!” Kurt propelled himself away from the other man and spun around as good as he could within the crowd to glare at him. The hand that had been holding him up so helpfully moments before had wandered to his thigh, squeezing softly, and Kurt had distinctly felt the man’s groin brush against his back. He suddenly felt more awake than he had in weeks.

“What the hell do you think–” He broke off suddenly. “ _Sebastian_?”

 _No. No, no no._ Of all people who could have groped him on the subway, it had to be the one person he least wanted to see.

“Kurt Hummel. Now here’s a surprise,” the other boy said, flashing Kurt his trademark smirk. “Daydreaming of Ohio, are you?” His green eyes glittered.

“None of your business,” Kurt bit back, refusing to admit even to himself that only moments before, he _had_ been daydreaming. “What are you doing in New York?” he asked instead. “Besides getting your rocks off feeling people up in crowded places, I mean?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “None of _your_ business,” he deadpanned. “And trust me, if I had known it was you, I wouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh?” Kurt found himself asking despite himself. “Why not? What’s wrong with me?”

Sebastian chuckled. “You can’t be prissy and needy at the same time, Kurt. Make up your mind.” He looked the other up and down. “Blaine’s been letting the line a little slack, I see.”

“Fuck you,” Kurt replied crudely, suddenly not interested in the conversation anymore. Either Sebastian knew about the break-up (Blaine still hadn’t officially changed his facebook status, which both annoyed and comforted Kurt some nights) and he was just rubbing it in, or he didn’t know and was making some other mean assumption based on his haggard look. Kurt didn’t need either.

“I would, but I doubt you’d let me,” Sebastian said, smiling falsely. Kurt sighed with exasperation.

“Still the sameamorallittle shit, I see,” he stated.

“Still on your prudish high horse, I see,” Sebastian replied. “Even in the big city.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I don’t see why refusing a proposition from the sleaziest person in New York makes me a prude. It just makes me a sensible person.”

Sebastian shrugged. “I see you haven’t met many New Yorkers,” he mumbled, and his eyes shaded over for a moment. It caught Kurt’s attention, but he dismissed it quickly. Whatever _that_ was, he wasn’t interested. The subway made another jolt and pushed them together again, almost as if it was trying to make a point. This time Kurt was better prepared and brought up his hands between them, holding himself away from Sebastian’s chest. It didn’t stop him from inhaling his scent again though, and it suddenly occurred to him that the last time he had been this close to anyone physically was when Blaine hugged him goodbye at the airport. He brushed his fingers down Sebastian’s coat.

“If you are ready feeling _me_ up, Kurt. I have to get off at the next stop,” Sebastian said, his voice low and close to his ear.

Kurt blushed fiercely, and a wild and unfamiliar recklessness took hold of him. Of all the things he could do, this was probably the dumbest. But would he really feel any worse afterwards than if he went home alone and spent another night lip-synching The Notebook?

“Okay,” he said, more to himself than to Sebastian, not letting go of the other boy’s lapels. “Can I come with you?”

For a moment, he wasn’t sure if Sebastian had heard him. He was about to pretend he hadn’t said anything and step away to let Sebastian pass, when he replied.

“Why?”

_Because I am tired. Because I hurt. Because I hate you just a little more than I hate myself, and that feels like giving myself a break. Because I am so desperately lonely that even this will do._

“You offered. Backing out, Smythe?” Kurt asked, cocking his head and glancing up at the face that was so close to him. Sebastian stared down into his eyes for a few seconds, and Kurt braced himself for rejection. It didn’t matter. It couldn’t possibly hurt more than he already did.

“Backing out? Me? Never,” Sebastian replied, and the doors of the subway opened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part of the fic is why it is rated 'Mature'. Be warned for sexytimes.
> 
> Written April 2013 (mid s4) for a self-set dictionary challenge; writing a fic with the word "rationalize" in it.

Neither of them said anything as they left the subway together. Kurt followed Sebastian to a hotel across the street, noting that he was already checked in and had a key card – a regular hotel then, and not something he had picked just so he wouldn’t have to actually take Kurt home.

“Just visiting?” he asked, as the elevator transported them to the sixth floor.

“What do you care?” Sebastian asked, sounding callous.

“I don’t,” Kurt replied. “Just making conversation.” He honestly wasn’t that interested, but filling the silence had seemed more socially acceptable than not speaking while they made their way to a room to have sex. It also distracted him from the fact that they were about to do just that. To rationalizeit to himself, Kurt forced himself to look at Sebastian objectively. He was actually quite handsome when he wasn’t making any rude remarks, all shoulders and long limbs _(and didn’t that forebode something about the rest of the size of him?_ Kurt mused before repressing that thought as he felt his face go red). Kurt decided he could have definitely picked someone worse for a rebound.

The elevator doors opened and Sebastian lead the way to his room. It was medium-sized; not luxury but not cheap either. _Probably something paid for by a company_ , Kurt thought to himself as he saw a business jacket hang down the back of the single chair at the desk. He wondered what kind of firm would hire Sebastian Smythe.

They ended up on the bed, having undressed themselves rather than each other, and Kurt found himself lying on his back against the soft pillows that smelled vaguely of Sebastian’s aftershave and feeling more and more aroused. Sebastian had draped himself half over Kurt’s body and was making his way down with his mouth, eliciting shivers from the other boy. Shortly before he reached the point of Kurt’s body that needed his attention most, he rested his chin on his hand and looked up.

“You’ve never been with anyone but Blaine, have you?” he asked. Kurt wasn’t sure if Sebastian’s voice was void of mocking or if he had just grown immune to it.  
  
“I don’t want to talk about Blaine,” he said numbly, hating how Sebastian had interrupted what had been a very pleasing fantasy of him and his ex-boyfriend back in Lima.

“Just making conversation,” Sebastian said, and Kurt felt a little pang of guilt. He had assumed this was the way Sebastian picked up guys all the time, but maybe the situation was just as awkward for him as it was for Kurt.

“I haven’t,” he admitted quietly.

“Good,” Sebastian said. This made Kurt frown. He had expected some kind of insult to his experience. “Why?”

Sebastian shrugged and then presented Kurt with a wolfish grin. “Hardly any competition, is he? I won’t even have to try hard to rock your world.” He winked and lowered his head, clearly considering the conversation over for now. The part of Kurt that had been Blaine’s boyfriend for over a year wanted to protest his honour, but before he could, Sebastian’s mouth was on him, licking and teasing at his shaft before taking him in, and it drove all current thoughts from Kurt’s mind. He couldn’t even keep up his Lima fantasy – Blaine had never showed this much enthusiasm and skill with blowjobs. Kurt writhed against the sheets, closing his eyes tightly, and simply lost himself in the pleasure. It had been a very long time since he had felt this good.

Before he could come, Sebastian replaced his lips with a tight hand and raised himself up on his elbows. “How do you want to do this?” he asked, his voice a little rough.

Kurt didn’t bother opening his eyes. “I don’t care,” he whispered. He was too tired to move and really just wanted to get off and sleep. He raised one of his knees and let his thighs fall open in invitation, figuring Sebastian would know what to do. Kurt felt a small dip in the mattress and heard the rustling of a foil packet. He wondered if it would hurt. His first time bottoming with Blaine had been a little painful; they both hadn’t really known what to do, and reading about it had proven a lot easier than actually making everything fit. He knew Sebastian was experienced enough not to have problems like that, but he was a lot taller than Blaine and-

He opened his eyes as he felt Sebastian straddle his knees and roll a condom down on his erection, followed by a palm slick with lube. He gave the other boy a puzzled look. Sebastian shrugged. “You of all people should know that what the eye sees says nothing about what happens in the bedroom, Kurt,” he said as explanation. “And you seem like you need this more.”

It would have been comforting, maybe even sweet, if Sebastian hadn’t added: “Besides, I couldn’t fuck you like this. You’re kind of killing my hard-on lying there like some kind of victim of your own misery, you know? Trust me, you’ll wanna be awake for this, killer.”

Kurt flushed with shame and he could just kick himself. As much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian was right. He had been trying to take the easy way out. To shirk all responsibility and just let it wash over him passively so it would be easier to forgive himself afterwards, claiming he had been so overwhelmed by sleep and sadness that none of it was his fault. Sebastian had reminded him that he had a choice in this, and that he wasn’t here against his will. Kurt bit his lip. If he wanted this to happen, he was going to have to show Sebastian that he was on board. He nodded to show he understood, and shifted up a little against the pillows, lifting his head so he wouldn’t be tempted to doze off into fantasy land again.

This seemed to be enough for Sebastian, as he reached between his own legs with his gelled fingers and started preparing himself. A little guiltily, Kurt admitted to himself that he was thankful that Sebastian didn’t expect him to be _that_ active. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to touch the other boy so intimately. It was ridiculous, considering what they were about to do, but to Kurt, it made a difference.

It didn’t take long for Sebastian to get ready, and with a small smile on his lips (that shone dark against his flushed cheeks, showing Kurt that he wasn’t exactly unaffected by his own touch), he lifted himself up and guided Kurt towards his entrance. He sank down into Kurt’s lap and took him into the warm, slick vise of his body. Kurt gasped, reaching out to grip Sebastian’s knees and doing his best to stay still as Sebastian adjusted around him. The other boy looked at him through lidded eyes and touched himself lazily. Kurt watched, amazed by the unabashed look on Sebastian’s face as he felt him relax. Then Sebastian slowly started rocking his hips, and sensations took Kurt. He sighed, moving with the rhythm and settling his hands loosely on Sebastian’s hips. The boy didn’t need support or guidance- he was clearly quite certain of what he wanted and knew how to get it.

They picked up the pace; Sebastian lifting himself up from Kurt’s lap again and again before driving his body down, his thighs working to steady himself, and soon they were both panting, short, staccato stabs of breath like a wordless duet. Kurt was still watching Sebastian, enjoying the view. The other boy’s blush crept down the side of his neck to his chest, which was spattered with birthmarks. Kurt grinned. “You’re like… a connect-the-dots picture,” he said between breaths, drawing a line between two spots over Sebastian’s hipbone with a finger. Sebastian pulled away a little, and Kurt wondered if he was ticklish.

“Oh yeah?” Sebastian replied, equally breathless, “Well, you’re like-” He leaned forward until their chests touched to bring his mouth close to Kurt’s face, licking a stripe up his neck, “a porcelain figurine.” He drove his hips down, the angle allowing him to take Kurt in deeper, and he groaned throatily, setting his teeth down in the skin on Kurt’s neck. Somehow, Sebastian’s skilled hand found its way between Kurt’s legs and he pushed a slim finger against the skin behind Kurt’s balls, teasing but never quite breaching the ring of muscle with more than a fingertip.

It was too much- Kurt couldn’t hold back any more, and he reached for Sebastian’s hips to pull him in closer, faster, lifting his hips to meet him halfway in every thrust. He came with a sharp breath, muffling his words against Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian moved a few more times, riding it out, before stilling and sitting up. He looked down on Kurt with a self-satisfied smile. Kurt wondered self-consciously if he looked as dishevelled as he felt. Then, with a flash of clarity (the orgasm having erased the last traces of drowsiness), Kurt realised that Sebastian hadn’t come yet. He looked up between them and knew he owed him this.

Kurt wrapped his hand around Sebastian and started moving it, testing his grip by looking at the boy’s face and studying his reactions. As he saw Sebastian’s eyes slip closed and he started rocking himself slowly on Kurt’s waning erection, Kurt knew he had found the right tempo. He kept it up, his eyes never leaving Sebastian’s face. It was fascinating to see the boy, whom he remembered as always being so poised, come so completely undone. He watched Sebastian shiver into his climax, his hips jerking up, and held him through it until Sebastian started shying away from his touch. Now that Sebastian was done and just sat there catching his breath with his eyes closed, Kurt decided it would be okay for him to close his eyes too and sink into the pillows. After a few moments, he felt Sebastian reach for the condom to secure it while he lifted himself off Kurt’s lap, and the mattress dipped to the side. Kurt might have dozed off a little. The next thing he heard was running water, and he assumed Sebastian was taking a shower. Sleep took him again; the soothing sleep of physical exhaustion rather than Ambien-induced drowsiness. He opened his eyes in surprise when he felt something moist and soft pressed into his hand. Sebastian had brought him a towel to clean up. Kurt offered him a shy smile, suddenly becoming conscious of the fact that he had a used condom to dispose of and a sticky crackle of drying come on his stomach. He rubbed the towel over his abdomen while Sebastian picked up his clothes and put them down next to Kurt on the bed. Then, obviously deciding he had done enough, Sebastian sank down into the single reclining chair in the room, reached for the remote of the tv and switched it on.

Kurt didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected vows of eternal love or confessions of earth and sky shattering experiences, but this? He dressed quickly, starting to realise what they had just done and how little it had meant. When he was finished, he looked at Sebastian. The other boy was pointedly flipping through channels, occasionally glancing at the hotel room service menu in his lap (without asking if Kurt might want any refreshments). Kurt ground his teeth together, determined not to say anything, but he couldn’t. As he had his hand on the door knob, he turned around.

“That’s it? You’re not even going to say goodbye?” he asked, hating how his voice chose this moment to slip into a higher, more emotional pitch.

Sebastian froze for a moment, and Kurt saw he was visibly pulling himself together before looking up. “I thought this was what you wanted, Kurt,” he said levelly. “It’s easier, trust me.” He frowned a little and put the menu away. “Look, I know what happened with Blaine,” he confessed. “I know this was about revenge, or getting even, or whatever. And it’s okay. I had a good time; I think you did too, and I figured the last thing you needed was to have emotional obligations to a person you’d much rather hate.”

“So you set yourself up to be that person I want to hate?” Kurt asked quietly.

Sebastian shrugged. “Didn’t you already?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt answered honestly. “But I don’t… I can’t hate you now.” He heard himself say it and quickly added: “I can’t be your boyfriend, though-“

“God, no,” Sebastian agreed, a hint of a smirk returning to his face.

“But maybe we could just…stay in touch?” Kurt offered tentatively.

“Sure, why not.” Kurt saw something in Sebastian’s eyes that made him decide he was being genuine.

“Thanks.” He hesitated. “So…I’ll see you around, then.” Sebastian nodded. Realising that was all Sebastian was going to do, Kurt opened the door and left, hoping he’d get at least one decent night of sleep out of this, if nothing else, before he’d start worrying about Blaine again.


End file.
